Among the numorous trips we have taken, there must be one that we like it very much and can't forget. Last year, I took a trip to Taipei for a rock concert which I had been expecting for a long time. It was the first time that I went to a concert; as a result, I couldn't hide my gratification. A few minutes before the concert began, my hands started to sweat. What's more, I was so nervous that I could even feel my heart beating. All of a sudden, the white curtain on the stage fell down with the fans screaming loudly, and I saw my favorite band singing a rock song with their touching voice. At first, my mind went blank due to the shock. "I can't believe it! Is it true? I really see them with my own eyes, not on TV.", I thought to myself. However, at the next moment, my heart vibrated to their stirring performance, and I had an impressive night. The concert gave a brand-new experience to me; thus, I'm still flushed whenever I recall the memory. It is certainly the most unforgettable trip that will last for ages.
第一句的 we 應該為 I 吧!
回覆刪除沒錯誤了@@!!
每次看你的文章都覺得你好會擅用片語或把具子寫的很好
好羨慕> <
同上 第一行主詞要改成I
回覆刪除然後去看演唱會應該是experience 不是trip
第一行的like後面沒有it
回覆刪除因為你已經有one代替 a trip了
第三行的期待如果改成look forward應該比較好
第六行的beating可以加上quickly讓讀者更融入你的情境喔:)
倒數第四行可以用instead of on TV來連接
我覺得標題跟內容不搭耶
因為看你的開頭 我已為你去台北旅行
但只是去一場演唱會
這樣也算是TRIP嗎@@?
like後面沒有it +1
回覆刪除然後文章沒有神麼問題
標題反而不適合
小心文不對題= =+
Among the numorous trips we have taken, there must be one that we like it very much and can't forget.是主詞I喔!!!
回覆刪除前面的rock concert前沒寫是誰的演唱會!
感覺埋了個伏筆~
每段前面是空一格喔!!!
現場狀況描寫詳盡!
第一行 Among the numorous trips
回覆刪除→Amony the numerous trips
第三行 It was the first time that I went to a concert
也可以寫成→I went to a concert for the first time
第五行I was so nervous that I could even feel my heart beating.
觀眾的心情應該比較偏向興奮吧?!
可以寫成→ I was so excited that I could evem feel my heart beating
there must be one that we like it very much and can't forget.後面可以改成we treasured extremely in our memory
回覆刪除like it very much 感覺是一個比較可愛的用法
"I can't believe it! Is it true? I really see them with my own eyes, not on TV.", 這一句話我很喜歡,會有種極為深入其境的感覺,而且也很親切,對於讀者來講能更加進入你的文章^^
標題感覺有稍文跟內容不搭,因為你整篇文章都是在說你去看的演唱會是如此的讓你難以忘懷,但是你的標題是The Most Unforgettable Trip I' ve Ever Had 會變成是看不出來哪裡有旅遊的感覺
如果可以在家上隔天去了哪裡或者是回到飯店後做了什麼,可以讓文章的豐富度增加,而不會只侷限於演唱會的描述喔~
感覺超有身歷其境的感覺耶~
回覆刪除實況轉播!!
結尾可以寫你對這場演唱會印象深刻,
然後意猶未盡想再參加,
更加深對他們的喜愛之類的~