2011年6月1日 星期三
Discussing Cause -2
When it comes to the factors that leads to the failure of the music store belonging to Michael Williams, there are several reasons concluded. To begin with, where the small music store is situated in is so remote from the urban area that it's possible to be ignored. Moreover, the categories of the CDs are too limited; as a result, it is attractive to people liking hip-hop and rock. Besides, most of the residents in the Fairfax are in the age group over 40; therefore, they may not prefer to other kinds of musuc instead of hip-hop and rock, which would enable the store to lose the opportunity to get their attention. Futhermore, since it's a small store, the owner needn't hire too many employees, and if he cut down on the cost of salary, he would save more money. In addition, the open time doesn't correspond to when most customers might walk past it; thus, the open time should be put emphasis on weekends. To sum up, in my opinion, Michael Williams ought to brooding over what brought about his failure, and if he wants to start a new business, he can take the analysis into consideration.
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there are several reasons concluded
回覆刪除-> included ?!
where the small music store is situated in is so remote from the urban area 怪怪的欸!
they may not prefer to other kinds of musuc instead of hip-hop and rock, 也怪怪的 是不是要把not拿掉阿?! //musuc -> music
倒數第三 brooding over建議可以用 pondering over
第一次留這麼多欸:O
there are several reasons concluded.
回覆刪除可改成belong~
it is attractive to people liking hip-hop and rock.
like好像沒有ing的型態~
可改成~to those who likes=)
我找到的大致上就是這些> <
第六行they may not prefer to other kinds of musuc instead of hip-hop and rock 是不是怪怪呀?!
回覆刪除沒什麼太大的問題~ 整體架構很好!!:D
To begin with, ~it's possible to be ignored. (possible改成easily會比較好吧??
回覆刪除they may not prefer to other kinds of musuc instead of hip-hop and rock這一句感覺很怪~
改成they may prefer to other kinds of music insted of hip-hop and rock才對吧~
, the open time should be put emphasis on weekends. 這一句我喜歡~如果是我可能沒辦法想到要這樣用XDD
and if he wants to start a new business, he can take the analysis into consideration.
(the analysis above ~)
第一行 leads to 前面的factors是複數 所以要改成lead
回覆刪除第六行musuc 是music啦 XDDD
其他的都ok
the factors that leads to
回覆刪除>>the factors that lead to the failure
there are several reasons concluded.
>> and there are several reasons included.
Moreover, the categories of the CDs are too limited; as a result, it is attractive to people liking hip-hop and rock.
這兩具的文意合不起來耶~~還是我自己看不懂@@!?
我把他解讀成: cd的種類太侷限了,因此,人們喜歡嘻哈和搖滾-A-"
salary >> salaries
brood over +1 :DDD
where the small music store is situated in is so remote from the urban area that it's possible to be ignored.
回覆刪除where前面+the place
Moreover, the categories of the CDs are too limited; as a result, it is attractive to people liking hip-hop and rock. 這句少了only整個很突然:)):)):)):)):))
ought to brooding over :o) (可愛吧:">)
蠢爆了~後面是原v
第一行要記得單複數喔!
回覆刪除其餘都寫的很好呢:">