In order to offer a vacant position for an English instructor, I am designated to choose one person in the extensive competition held by my company, and there are two people, Lynn Whitnal and Debra Fines, who come out on top in the final section. I've made up my mind to hire Lynn Whitnal as a consequence of the following reasons. To begin with, Debra has three education experiences; in contrast, Lynn has only one. As a result, I can infer that Debra has known more knowledge than Lynn. In addition, whereas Lynn three employment experiences, Debra has five in total; nevertheless, there are both two which are related to English instructor. Moreover, different from Debra, Lynn is fluent in two more languages, Spanish and Japanese. Last and most important, while Debra has issued a publication of English Verb Tenses, Lynn was given the honor of Excellence in Teaching in 2004, which is a critical factor that makes me decide to hire her. To sum up, in my opinion, if a person is awarded prizes, his or her ability is proved in the way, which are of great importance; since that Lynn corresponds to that, it;s no doubt that she is the most appropriate person to get the job.
it;s no doubt 前面的標點用錯了=)
回覆刪除前面的部份是要雇一個English instructor!!!
所以應該是學校之類的單位~
其他的比較和句型的部份都很棒~
第七行 whereas Lynn three employment experiences
回覆刪除Lynn後面少了has
倒數第三行 which are of great importance
which後面應該是is 因為前面只有提到"有得獎"
所以是單數
整體而言語句都很通順XDD
In order to offer a vacant position for an English instructor這句語意怪怪的
回覆刪除為了提供空職位給English instructor?是公司在找人~
所以要改為:In order to fill the vacant position with an instructor~
Moreover, different from Debra, Lynn is fluent in two more languages, Spanish and Japanese.
這句連接詞怪怪的 意思有點皆不起來
這篇語意有點問題喔!
第六行 whereas Lynn three employment experiences 沒有動詞
回覆刪除Last and most important, → Last but not the least
整體很棒很流暢,喜歡你寫的句子很有深度~
In addition, whereas Lynn three employment experiences, Debra has five in total
回覆刪除工作經驗應該不會用幾個算吧?!
since that Lynn corresponds to that
->corresponds with that
+(with)相符合
+(to)相當的; 相似的
這篇的結構還是很漂亮,但是語意上的不通順使得稍嫌美中不足呢
whereas Lynn three employment experiences
回覆刪除忘了has喔~
Lynn is fluent in two more languages
這句好奇怪 什麼是two more@@
To sum up, in my opinion, if a person is awarded prizes, his or her ability is proved in the way, which are of great importance; since that Lynn corresponds to that, it;s no doubt that she is the most appropriate person to get the job.
最後這段感覺很像中文的寫法...
還有in the way也放的很奇怪
然後of great importance後面可以再加一些什麼
像是 of greating when they are looking for a job
如果句子太長其實可以分段@@
~who come out on top in the final section.這句不錯喔~有種終於脫穎而出的感覺XD
回覆刪除整體的文章流暢度GOOD~
沒有什麼特別大的文法錯誤~
這篇給我的感覺還滿活潑的(文字運用方面^^)